“Placenta & Prejudice” is one of my favorite submissions for the Love the Placenta! fan fic contest. It’s funny, clever, and mixes the placenta up with some unlikely source material: Jane Austen. AND the Brontës totally win in the end.
And I totally agree: Oh, MISTER ROCHESTER!
It is a truth universally acknowledged, that a monstrous placenta in possession of an A.I. must be in want of a baby.
“My dear Mr. Darcy,” said his lady to him, “have you heard that Venus Park is beset upon by a giant placenta that is destroying the amusements and turning the guests into haystacks of baby placentas?”
Mr. Darcy replied that he had not.
“But it is,” returned she; “for it has just destroyed the Tilt ‘N Hurl, and is now rolling toward us like a liquored-up dandy in pursuit of an unwed virgin.”
Mr. Darcy made no answer. He was occupied with unfastening the seat-belts of the ramshackle pirate attraction and pushing past the absurd pirate that yelled “Yaaar!”
“Come Elizabeth,” he said as he drew his lady toward him, “We must escape to the shuttles.” They raced together through the park, the sounds of carnage growing behind them. But before the could pass the Carousel of Children, the great pink placenta rose up, a crushed refreshment stand hanging from its maw.
“Why must you pursue us, you vexom beast?” cried Mr. Darcy.
“Do you not want to know why she is destroying the planet?”
“You want to tell me, and I have no objection to hearing it – once we are safely away,” he said, kicking aside a fallen street lamp.
“For love,” cried Elizabeth, fainting dead away.
“Badly Done, Emma! Badly done!” cried Mr. Darcy as he caught her in his arms.
“OH… MISTER ROCHESTER!” shouted the giant placenta as it swallowed them down, proving that this placenta truly loved the the Brontës.