Here it is, the Justin Grimbol interview! The Grimbolina exposes his emotional state, his addictions and himself! Outtakes were posted Tuesday the 21st at Bizarro Central.
In The Crud Masters, when a car battery needs charging, Crud Master Soda Can attaches his cock to the battery in an attempt to jumpstart the car. When you need to jump a car, how do you get it started?
I would get anxious and have a hissy fit. This would probably not get my car started, but it is what I would do.
The Crud Masters have awesome names like Boogers, Snuggles, Clitty, Soda Can and Pussy Bear. What’s your Crud Master name, and why?
The Masters are real. Sort of. You see, I grew up in the Hamptons. Kids dressed really nice, real hip. The kids who dressed poor were called Crud Meisters. That’s where I got the name. I was a Crud Miester. I wasn’t poor, but I was chubby and had a mullet and I dressed really badly. I was the cruddiest Crud Meister.
And I’ve had lots of nicknames. Table butts my favorite nick name. Usually people call me Grimboly, or Boly.
My dad had a great nick name in college. He was called War Head, because of the way his dick would poke out of his boxers shorts. My cock does the same thing. I think I should be called War Head Junior.
Crud Master Boogers got his name because he’s addicted to nasal spray, which has resulted in him being constantly congested. What are you addicted to, and what’s the unfortunate side-effect?
I was actually addicted to nasal spray for eight years. That part of the book is based on my actual life. I couldn’t breathe without using the stuff. I couldn’t sleep without snorting that shit. Sometimes I would run out and go on crazy journeys in the middle of the night to find some Afrin. It was intense. Then I started working at a drug and alcohol rehab. I was watching people detox off of heroin. Some of the clients had really rough detoxes. They got all sweaty and shaky. They would see things and vomit all over the place. They were going through hell. And I was complaining about having the sniffles. I felt like a dork. So I quit using nasal spray. That was about a year ago. I couldn’t breathe through my nose for almost three months. My nose still doesn’t work properly. I have so many boogers. I’ve gotten used to it. No big deal.
The Crud Masters is essentially a retelling of the YA classic The Outsiders, only with Transformers and Japanese-style monsters. What books did you love as a teenager?
I read comics. I read underground stuff, like R Crumb and Pete Bagge’s Hate and Love and Rockets and shit like that. I didn’t start reading prose and poetry until I was 21. My buddy Gorcoff told me to read Ham on Rye by Bukowski. Then all hell broke loose.
Justin — I keep seeing naked, or almost naked, pictures of you. And when I don’t see such pictures, you’re offering to take your clothes off. Are you a nudist?
I love getting naked.
I went to a hippy college in Vermont. Kids got naked all the time there. Heather, my fiancé, and I met at a naked party. Everyone there was naked and dancing to some shitty jam band music. I hated the music but I loved being naked. I walked right up to the her and I was like: “What’s up baby, check out my dangus!” We danced. It was romantic.
Sometimes being naked can be embarrassing though. A couple of weeks ago my belt broke. I tried to fix it with tape. It didn’t work. The tape came loose while I was at this sleazy club called BUBBAS. My pants kept falling down. At one point I started dancing. I was having fun shaking my rump around. Then this bouncer came up to me. “Sir, you have to pull you pants up,” he said. “We’ve been getting complaints.”
I got really embarrassed. People were complaining! What have I turned into? I kept thinking. I felt like a complete degenerate. I might as well been pushing around a shopping cart full of empty beer cans around the club.
Being an adult is horrible. I wish I could find a loop hole.
I’m resilient though. I keep getting naked and showing the world my stuff. I got naked for a promo I did. It was a good time. You can find it on my website (NSFW).
Justin Grimbol grew up in Sag Harbor New York. His parents were both Presbyterian ministers. He attended Green Mountain College, and majored in partying. He is the author of Drinking Until Morning and The Crud Masters.