Seven Seagulls for a Single Nipple by Troy Chambers

Seven Seagulls for a Single Nipple by Troy Chambers is sixty-two pages of pure wild, insane yum.

One day, whilst tagging along on the chest of Badagris, the voodoo bad-ass priest and lead singer of the Haitian metal/europop group The Moshing Erzulies, Wilmorn the nipple catches sight of Sister Patina Beaver, nun in the Church of the Holy Menstrual Blood.

Wilmorn immediately falls in love with Patina. Determined to be her mate, Wilmorn makes a deal with the Seven Seagull Gods, who grant Wilmorn a nipply body; however, Wilmorn must kill Patina’s true love within seven days or Wilmorn will become a lobster baby and servant to the Seven Seagull Gods.

The Seagull Gods are not without… um, compassion — they provide Wilmorn with a helpmeet and guide: Stalin the nicotine-addicted, serial-rapist lobster baby.

Together, Wilmorn and Stalin take to the rough-and-tumble streets of New York City, first to find Wilmorn’s love, then to find Jesus Christ and kick his ass, winning Patina’s nunly love, overcoming (and raping) snooty young mothers and fathers, crack addicts, BDSM nipple fetishists along the way.

Seven Seagulls for a Single Nipple claims to be “The Little Mermaid” meets Hellraiser; indeed, Troy Chambers delivers on this promise. Combining the tragic grittiness of Andersen’s original fairytale with Disney’s lighthearted humor and Hellraiser’s horror, Seven Seagulls is quirky, fun, funny, sad, tragic and incredibly entertaining. Troy Chambers has hit it home with this tragic, insane love story.

I can’t wait to read what he comes up with next.


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